8 Ways to Get Unstuck From the Holiday Yuck
Happy December!
By now, we are in full swing of the holiday season. Some say it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Some struggle with this time of year. Most of us are somewhere in the middle.
This week, I am here to remind you that feeling good, having positive thoughts, and creating positive memories are equally as okay as feeling the other feels - even if your anxiety or depression feels strong, even if your relationship feels terrible, even if you are grieving. We can find a balance with the emotions that are really really hard and not let it spiral to the point that it feels like it consumes us. There is space for both.
Last week Gabrielle wrote about “4 Ways to Maximize Joy This Holiday Season” and gave some tips for a framework to use in fostering a sense of joy in this busy time. This week, we’re talking through some tangible strategies to implement either by yourself or with your family, even if that wider framework just hasn’t yet shifted. While best laid plans can help us set up for a season of success, sometimes we need in-the-moment tips to help when things get rough and our thoughts start to spiral.
The point of all of these strategies is to pause to acknowledge the yuck, allow the difficult emotions, allow the thoughts about the things that are hard. Surprising? They need space too. When we ignore them, they often grow. Intentionally acknowledge what is hard - “That didn’t go like I planned”, “I’m angry that happened”, “I feel lonely”, “I feel ignored”, “I am grieving”. But then move out of it. There is space for all of those feelings, AND some enjoyment or positivity.
What’s the point of that when things feel hard? Because you deserve joy, you deserve good things, you deserve peace.
Ok, makes sense. But how? Here are some ideas:
Give Yourself Permission to Feel the Good
A mantra I like to use for myself, and offer to clients, is “give yourself permission…” meaning give yourself permission to focus on the positive. It’s inevitable that stress, depression, and/or anxious feelings will come up this season- it’s the natural occurrence of life! My encouragement is to pause, feel those emotions, do what you need to for them, then refocus on the positive. Give yourself permission to not dwell in negative thoughts, to not spiral downward; instead, give yourself permission to smile, feel happy, laugh, feel joyful.
In the moment Just like gratitude, positivity (that doesn’t bleed over into that toxic realm) can help us reset. Acknowledge the suck. Yes I’m frustrated that things aren’t going to plan. Yes I am allowed to be upset about that. That can have some space. Then - what can I notice that went well? Try this at the end of a busy day that didn’t feel great and see how it shifts your perspective.
2. Start a tradition
There’s no time like the present! Start a tradition you and your family can do every year. Traditions strengthen bonds. Traditions create trust. Traditions help us feel like we belong. They help us turn toward one another instead of away. Traditions become predictable and known, which can decrease stress and anxiety. Traditions do not have to be elaborate. They can be simple! Family holiday pajamas are a popular tradition. Baking holiday cookies, or decorating them as a family. Holiday movie nights. Holiday books at bedtime. Special breakfast on Christmas morning. The possibilities are endless.
You can even start a tradition that is just for you. Maybe a post-holiday massage or quiet day? Buying yourself a good book and reading it. Whatever feels good and restorative to you and that you can look forward to.
In the moment: Pivot. If everyone is melting down, switch gears and make it a tradition. You’re allowed to switch gears. Christmas cookies got smashed? Our new tradition is building a Franken-cookie and voting for our favorites. Dinner is burnt? Our new tradition is ordering pizza on Christmas Eve. Everybody’s sick? Our new tradition is a movie day with pjs.
3. Practice Gratitude
Last month, Emily reminded us to practice gratitude in the season of Thanksgiving. Keep it going! Take time to have one gracious thought every night before bed. Practice this with your family, too! Share a gracious thought at dinner, something good that happened to each of you during the day. Journal graciousness.
In the moment: When it’s all melting down (see that meme with the dog drinking coffee in the room on fire) refocus your attention on what you are grateful for, even in the crap. It’s easy to get swept up in what isn’t going right, and sometimes shifting our focus can reset our perspective. Everyone is screaming at dinner? Ask them what they’re grateful for - we promise it will lift your mood too.
4. Be Mindful
Start your day with mindful intentions. Every Friday we share a Mindful Moment on our social media. Find a guided meditation to help you start your day with positive intentions. When we start our day with the intention to be positive or neutral, there is a higher chance that is how the day will go. Offering ourselves a positive start is powerful, especially if you’re already dreading something on the schedule for the day
In the moment: Pull up a mindful practice and encourage your kiddos or partner to do it with you. Again, that pause can help us reset and refocus. Try the Calm or Insight Timer Apps, or scroll our Instagram for past Mindful Moments.
5. Laugh
Seriously, laugh! Daily. Lots of times per day. There are SO many benefits to laughter. It increases oxygen in our bodies, which positively impacts our hearts, lungs, and brains. Laughing increases endorphins. Laughing decreases the stress response. Did you know that laughing is also shown to improve the immune system? Since this is also the season of germs, anything to help the immune system is going to feel good! Get the giggles going with a funny movie, reminiscing about a funny memory, find some silly videos, get the family to tell jokes, find humorous podcasts.
In the moment: Put on a silly song and dance with your kids (or just yourself!) Giggle as much as possible.
6. Find a Balance
Let’s be real, the holiday season can get really busy. Packed schedules can lead to stress, which can rob us of joy. Exhaustion is an enemy of positivity. Find a balance of what feels good to attend, and if there is anything you can or should say “no, thanks” to this season. Positivity doesn’t need to push on boundaries. Maybe this looks like attending events, and leaving by a certain time. Maybe this means not attending at all. Maybe it means arriving a little later than the start time. You know what is best for you and your family. Allow yourself to practice boundaries that help the positive intentions, and not fall into the trap of the expectations from other people.
In the moment: Just because you committed to something doesn’t mean you have to do it. If everyone is sugared up and overtired, skip that last event. Go late. If it’s going to feel awful, you don’t have to go. Get an easy dinner, add more down time, whatever that balance needs.
7. Help Others
Another fun fact - helping others benefits the helper just like it benefits those being helped! When we help others, it helps the helper feel better by increasing a sense of belonging, keeps things in perspective, kindness is contagious, and when we help others we often help ourselves in the process. This is another area to be mindful of what is manageable for you, so that the act of helping doesn’t lead to overwhelm. In my home around this time of year, we encourage the kids to go through their toys and donate the items they no longer play with to others. We have an “elf box” where they put these items for an elf to take back to the North Pole to be spruced up for other girls and boys. The kids LOVE doing this every year. It also allows us to talk with them about giving, helping others, and graciousness in our home. (We parents like it as it helps clear some clutter from the house.) Helping can also look like donating time at a warming shelter or meal service. Helping can look like a small donation to an organization that is important to you. As I mentioned before, you know what is best for your family. Do what is manageable to feed the positive this season.
In the moment: Let the person go ahead of you at Target. Drop off a coffee on your neighbor’s porch. Help someone carry packages to their car or shovel their walk. Take a moment to notice how you feel after, and even imagine how that other person felt.
8. Get Back in Your Body
Finding yourself really stuck, and like you just can’t get out of that yuck? Get back into your body and out of your head.
In the moment:
- Dance: put on a favorite song and rock out
- Taste: eat something with a strong flavor, like a sour lemon candy or something spicy
- Smell something you really enjoy: coffee, a candle, a favorite lotion
- Ground yourself: cycle through looking around and noticing 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste
- Breathe: try box breathing. Trace a square while you inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. Repeat as many times as needed.