The Mental Load

The mental load of parenthood can be exhausting.

Emily, what the what are you even talking about? What is the mental load?

The mental load is explained really well in this now-viral comic by an artist named Emma here.

The mental load basically boils down to having to remember everything at all times and keep track of everything child-related for your household or family. This comic describes it under the framework of a heterosexual couple, but it’s not exclusive to cis-gendered heterosexual couples. The base of the mental load is the imbalance of it - one partner is bearing the weight of the household on their own (we also call this the default parent). This can be tricky - a lot of non-default parents do contribute a lot to their households. It isn’t about blame or making sure that each person’s to-do list matches up in quantity and difficulty to the other - it’s about understanding what you partner is experiencing, appreciating the work that your partner carries out, and making sure that you’re contributing as well.

The other tough part about that is that when you have kids, you BOTH feel like you’re doing 100% more work. And you likely are - kids really are just that much more work.

Check out the comic and let me know what you think. Does the mental load apply in your family?