How to Support a NICU Parent: Do’s and Don’ts
Having a baby in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) can be one of the most overwhelming, stressful, and emotionally draining experiences for new parents. Parents of NICU babies face a unique set of challenges, from the emotional toll of watching their newborn struggle to the logistical demands of balancing hospital visits with everyday responsibilities. If you know someone navigating the NICU journey, offering your support can make a tremendous difference. But often, people don’t know what to say or do to truly help.
Tomorrow kicks off NICU Awareness Week, so in honor of that, here are some do’s and don’ts to help you support any NICU parents in your life.
DO Offer Emotional Support That is Actually Supportive
Many well-meaning people rush to try and “fix” difficult situations, but what NICU parents need most is validating emotional support - not solutions. NICU parents are often bombarded with medical information and decisions, and they DON’T need more advice on what they “should” be doing. Instead, listen with empathy and allow them to express their feelings without trying to change how they feel. NICU parents may not have the time or energy to respond to messages. Instead of sending messages that require a response, send notes of encouragement that don’t demand anything from them.
DO try phrases like:
“It’s okay to feel scared. I’m here if you need to talk, but it’s totally ok if you don’t want to.”
“I’m thinking of you today and sending love.”
“You and your baby are on my mind. No need to respond—just know I’m here for you.”
“Sending you strength today. Thinking of you all.”
NICU journeys can last weeks or even months, and a lot of times support can fall off after the initial rush. Continue to check or send support during the duration of their journey. It may seem like a long time to you, but I promise it will mean a lot to them.
When offering emotional support, remember:
Validate Feelings
Not Trying to “Fix” Things
Not Requiring a Response
Consistency
2. DO Offer Practical Help
NICU parents often spend long hours at the hospital, leaving little time for their own self-care or household responsibilities. Offering practical assistance can be a lifeline. However, many parents may feel uncomfortable asking for help, so being proactive and specific is key.
DO offer help in practical ways:
Gift cards: Delivered or prepared meals are great, but many NICU parents (or grieving people) get inundated with food. It requires heating, cleaning, and sometimes returning a dish. Gift cards to a grocery store, Target, Starbucks, Uber Eats, or DoorDash can be used widely and for what sounds good at the moment. Gas cards can also be great if the hospital is far away.
Pet care or other chores: If they have pets, offer to walk the dog, feed the cat, or even pet-sit for a day. You can also offer to mow the lawn, shovel snow, or weed the garden.
Siblings: If they have other children, offer to babysit or take the kids out for a fun activity to give the parents a break from balancing the needs of multiple kiddos. Even picking an older sibling up from school or taking them to practice can be really helpful.
Make sure your offers are clear and actionable. Instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," try, "I’d love to bring you a coffee on Wednesday. Does that work for you? I won’t stay, just text me your order and I’ll drop it on your porch." or “I know you need to focus on being at the hospital this week. I can mow the lawn Tuesday or Thursday after work. Let me know if you don’t want me to come, otherwise I’ll text when I’m on my way. You don’t need to be home or come outside if you don’t want to.”
3. DO Respect Their Boundaries and Know It’s Not About You
The emotional rollercoaster of the NICU is exhausting, and sometimes the best support you can give is understanding when they need space.
NICU parents may not have the capacity for long conversations, visitors, or decision making. Be mindful of their energy levels and respect their boundaries. If you're unsure of how much support they want, it’s okay to ask gently, "Would it be helpful if I called today, or would you prefer some solitude?" (Again, clear and actionable!)
You can also say something like “I wanted to ask about Thanksgiving, can we find a time to talk or should I just handle it?”
It’s also important to remember that NICU parents are receiving constant medical updates from doctors and nurses. Remain open to what they want to share, but try not to feel hurt or rejected if they don’t want to constantly retell every detail. All of the information can be really draining.
Their willingness to talk (or not) or share details (or not) or engage in other conversations (or not) isn’t about you, how well you’re supporting them, or how much they love you. They are walking an unimaginable path, and need to focus on themselves and their baby.
4. DO Respect Their Journey—Without Comparison
DON’T compare their NICU experience to that of someone else. Every NICU journey is unique, and while you may have had a friend or relative or neighbor’s sister’s nanny go through something similar, it’s hurtful to minimize their experience by making comparisons. Statements like, "My cousin’s baby was in the NICU for two months and turned out fine," can unintentionally invalidate their pain or fears.
Instead, acknowledge the uniqueness of their situation. Offer support and encouragement specific to their experience without imposing others’ stories onto them.
5. DO Give Gifts that Comfort
While it can be tempting to give NICU parents baby gifts, many parents may not feel emotionally ready to accept them while their baby is still in the hospital, especially if they aren’t sure their baby will make it home. Instead, consider giving gifts that are practical or comforting for the parents themselves.
DO offer helpful gifts:
Comfort items: A soft blanket, a reusable water bottle, or cozy socks for long days at the hospital.
Self-care kits: Include items like lotion, lip balm, a notebook for journaling, or snacks.
Gift cards: (Again!) For meals, gas, or even a nearby coffee shop they can stop at during hospital visits. Target is also a great general one that can be used for anything.
Prepaid parking passes: If the hospital charges for parking, this can be a huge help to parents visiting daily.
6. DO Continue to Be Present After the NICU Stay
The challenges for NICU parents don’t end when their baby leaves the hospital. Many families face ongoing medical appointments, feeding challenges, or developmental concerns long after discharge. Continue offering support even after they’ve left the NICU, as this transition can also be emotionally and physically taxing, and comes with more adjustment for everyone.
Parents may feel a mix of relief, anxiety, and even guilt after leaving the NICU. They may need extra reassurance and understanding during this time as they adjust to their new normal at home. Staying present and connected as they transition out of the NICU can be just as important as offering help during their hospital stay. (Also, send more gift cards!)
