The Spices of Life
A few years ago when I was working in a residential treatment program, I had the opportunity to help facilitate the Nurturing Parenting program. The program and the people I worked with were awesome in a lot of ways, but one topic that I still use both personally and professionally pretty frequently is the concept of SPICES.
There are so many things pulling us in different directions, especially right now. Pandemic parenting, figuring out school, work, child care, finances, emotional stress, shifting roles at home… oh yeah and little things like sleep and food and health and rest. Most of us are struggling with finding some balance in that mess of overwhelm. And once you’re off kilter it can be hard to find your way back. Whenever I’m lacking balance, I return to this concept and think about what I might be leaving out of my own personal equilibrium that needs to be tended to.
Ok, Emily, wtf are SPICES?
It’s an acronym and a way to think about your various needs as a human and make adjustments where needed to find equilibrium. Think of it like cooking. Each recipe (person) calls for a different amount of different spices. But when that balance isn’t met - now you have nasty tasting dinner that’s unsatisfying and makes you cranky. Nobody likes gross dinner. Adjust your SPICES and enjoy what you’re working with.
S - Social
Connection with others. And not just the “I sent you a funny meme like two weeks ago” or “I walked past you on my way to the break room and we both had masks on” kind of connection. Real, genuine connection with others in an enjoyable way. This is a tricky one right now, but there are opportunities for connection if you look for them. I’m not a super social person in general. But I have a few close friends that I check in with often, as well as a mom group that I talk to every day.
P - Physical
Food, rest, exercise, all that good stuff. Basically keeping our bodies in good working shape. I know that for me the need for movement is easy to ignore in times of stress, and that’s something I need to keep an eye on.
I - Intellectual
Again, not just work related intellectual stimulation, but something that stretches your perspective or helps your brain grow. For some people this can be about work (I get all kinds of books from the library and I do wonder what my librarian thinks I’m up to!) but also anything that pushes you to learn more and expand who you are as a person.
C - Creative
Creating something. Writing, woodworking, knitting, coloring, painting, even sewing masks. Making something that wasn’t there before.
E - Emotional
Getting those feelings right! Caring for yourself emotionally by coping with things that come up and processing those feelings instead of shutting them down.
S - Spiritual
Finding that connection to something bigger than yourself. This one is tricky for a lot of people, because spiritual can often mean or feel like religion, but really it’s the connection to an idea that is bigger than you and caring for your soul. That can be organized religion, it can be connection with the universe, it can be meditation. There’s no right way to do it.
When you’re thinking about finding your own personal balance, remember that your balance does not equal someone else’s. And your personal balance may shift and evolve over time. It isn’t a static recipe. Anticipate change in changing circumstances (cough cough :: pandemic :: cough cough). Yes, unexpected things come up. Yes, crises happen. And that might throw you out of equilibrium. When you’re in survival mode SPICES aren’t going to be your top priority, you’re going to go back to caring for your basic needs only. Remember Psych 101 when they talked about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? Basic stuff like food and shelter needs to be met before you move on to other needs like relationships and self esteem. (Click here for a quick video on the concept). Return to working toward balance when you can. And quite frankly it’s easier to return to a place you’ve already been than trying to figure out what your balance might look like when you’re super stressed. Also consider which ones are easy for you to neglect. Those are the ones to keep an eye on in order to maintain that equilibrium and handle the nonsense going on in our world right now in a healthy way.
Reflection Questions:
Which SPICES are easiest for me to maintain?
Which SPICES are easiest for me to neglect?
How am I doing with creating a balance for myself?
What do I need to add or shift to create a better balance right now?
